Your Favorite White Boy

Did you know they were planning to make a movie about the legendary Juice Crew ? Guess I missed the boat on that one. Well, at least they were planning to make such a movie. Word is out today that the movie, apparently entitled “The Vapors” (after the classic Biz Markie joint) has been scrapped by the studio over the inability to raise proper funding.

So why was it scrapped? It can’t be the storyline. If they can make movie about a Coal Miner’s Daughter or a Latin dude whose recording career only lasted 8 months, then this movie should get easy approval from the suits. The history of this rap collective is just as compelling – or more so – than any of those other movies. They made a movie about Jerry Lee Lewis , and he’s a perverted crazy man who married his (underage) relative.

Now, I don’t think that heads should take it personal – hip hop is as major as ever. There’s no question in my mind that this was a case of the economy trumping popularity. If major institutions can’t get any dough and big budget films with big budget stars can’t get the greenlight, then this movie had little chance of being made. At least for now.

In the meantime, I think the producers of the Juice Crew flick should use this downtime in the economy to build the proper buzz around the Juice Crew story and why the story is so compelling. Those Oscars don’t give themselves out, you know. So YFWB is here to provide a few suggestion on how to ensure the studio execs are begging for this movie be made once that green starts flowing again:

1. Get On Broadway
Many a movie has been swiped from a popular stageplay. To build the proper foundation, we need to build up that theatrical credibility. I’m thinking the stage should be set in the makeshift studio in Marl’s sister’s crib, where Biz, TJ Swan, Roxanne Shante, Ace and others go in and out, with Marley as the main character. Can you imagine the Kane soliloquy?

2. Write A Story Around Juice Crew Joints
This one writes itself. So many of the Marley Marl-produced hits set themselves up perfectly for a storyline. Opening with “The Vapors”, the “Me And The Biz” portion could center around a budding friendship; the classic cut “The Bridge” could be reworked as a transitional scene to stardom and “Roxanne’s Revenge” displays the power of a woman scorned. Close it out with “The Symphony”. And…scene.

3. Somebody Got To Die
Now you know that I’m not asking for anyone to get shot or murdered, but if this movie is really going to have the big blockbuster ending (imagine the funeral scene where the remaining members get together in grief), I think someone has to take one for the team. And for it to have the proper impact, it has to be in some sort spectacular, memorable demise: hit by an asteroid, a faulty parachute, lost over the English channel. My vote is for MC Shan. Someone has to pay for “Informer.”

I think if Marley, Kane, Biz and director Furquaan Clover put in a little sweat equity in this downtime, not only will the film get made, it will be the Mama Mia of the hip-hop world.

Tags: Movies, Opinion, The Juice Crew