Your Favorite White Boy

UPDATE: 50 clearly took my advice.  WOW.

Apparently, 50 Cent isn’t able to bait Weezy into a heavyweight rap tussle, so he’s decided to slum a little and take on Rick Ross after he sent out a stray shot last week.  After peeping Fifty’s response, I have a few words of advice to Curtis and all other aspiring rappers on how to level an opponent if you find yourself in a lyrical battle to the death. After you’ve visited Wikipedia, of course.

1.  It must introduce new, damaging facts

If you want to dead an opponent, you need to throw something at them that no one knew before.  So do your research beforehand.  Google is a godsend for this, as is a trip to the ol’ neighborhood for some Columbo style investigative reporting. Remember Em’s shot at Papa Doc’s private schooling in 8 Mile? Kinda like that. If the Smoking Gun has their employment records, its a good bet its fairly well known and widely discussed. You may want to take a trip to M-I-A to upgrade that dis, Fif.

2. It must create a new negative persona/character for the target

“Officer Raws” is played out; its time to find something new for the former Slip-N-Slide affiliate.  We all remember “Cock-a-Fella” from Ether and  word to Rhymefest, “Chucky Cheese” just might stick if Charles Hamilton isn’t careful.  Its especially weak when you use the same concept (“Officer Riiiicccckkkkyyyy!!!”) as a former opponent (“Currrrrtiiiiisss!!!) did.

I’ll just throw one out there to get things started, Fif.  The real Rick Ross, a drug kingpin named “Freeway” Rick Ross, told a local magazine: “No I never told him it was okay to use my name. I told him I wasn’t trippin’ but we needed to sit down and talk. Cause I would never be involved with a Millie Vanilli.” Millie Vanilli?  Get your ghostwriters to work on that concept. 

3.  YOUR actual bars need to be on point

Never forget that while the subject matter may be your opponent, the delivery still needs to be proper.  When you’re in the midst of a heated battle for respect, sing-song rhymes and stupid-ass metaphors are not the business.  You also can’t recycle the same subject matter (in Fifty’s case, himself) from previous rap battles.

4. When all else fails, make a cartoon

If you find yourself out of ideas, coming up with wack-ass bars and just have no other recourse, its time to diversify.  Get your multimedia hustle right and bang out a cartoon.  You have an animation studio, right?  Of course you do.

Follow these simple steps and you too can inject new life into your rap career by properly executing a rap beef. You’re welcome.

Tags: 50 Cent, Dis Records, How To, Rick Ross